Scared & Excited

One of Owen Wilson's best lines in the movie Armageddon comes as they are being strapped in to a suped up version of the Space Shuttle. He says, "I'm like 98% excited and 2% scared, or is it 98% scared and 2% excited...I'm not sure, I'm so confused!" You can believe with 100% assurance that this is how I am feeling at this point. My wife Vanessa is due with our first child, and could theoretically go into labor at just about any minute. Am I excited or scared; scared or excited? I don't know to be truthful.

Vanessa has been handling this whole life altering event with such grace that you'd think she is a descendent of royalty. You never see them going through the major pains of the life creation process. Sure, she has magically grown an entire basketball in her belly. There are pains and cramps that I have never heard any human being mention before. Sometimes she yells at me for no apparent reason, without warning. However, I have to say that through it all my wife has never been more beautiful, and so full of grace, that I actually don't mind making the bed once in a while - just to be nice.

I on the other hand am significantly less prepared for this whole 'Dad' thing. What does this mean for me? How does it all work any way? What if there really is bad traffic on the way to the hospital? Suppose she goes into labor while we're at work...what then? I hate it when kids cry. Will it be different when its mine? My nieces and nephews were easy...I just gave them back! How am I going to react when they tell me it is a boy or a girl? Of course I want a boy, what male in his right mind doesn't? I'd rather worry about one boy, rather than all the others in town! As long as it is healthy though, that is the main thing right?

Right now, I spend my days working in a high school where two hundred plus hormonally imbalanced teenagers roam the classrooms and hallways. Sorry Moms and Dads, but I see and hear about all the stuff you never hear of; the things you claim that, "my child would never do." You know what? You're wrong. Your kid does do that, and truly this is the primary reason I am scared to be a Dad - its the stuff I'm never going to hear about that makes me worry.It is the curiosity however that has me excited! Something is coming out of there any time now and it is going to be my responsibility.

This is like the ultimate untimed test. My curiosity causes my mind to race, questioning my own ability to do the job. I mean, it isn't like we're filling in bubble sheets here where the answer C is most likely to be right given the situation where I don't know the answer. C is average. If my kid gets a C I am going to be pissed. I don't want to guess. But I am still curious...how will this whole thing go? Am I going to enjoy it? Some say curiosity is what killed the cat. We have a cat - if he goes, then I'll really be worried.